Learn Spanish

How difficult can learning a new language be? Well, a lot harder than I thought. English came fairly easily to me, and I dare say I speak it fluently, and it almost felt like it happened on its own, at least that’s how it feels to me. My plan was to do the same with the Spanish language when I moved to Málaga. However, that turned out to be quite a challenge!

Motivation was never lacking. I listened to Spanish music, watched Spanish movies and series, spoke Spanish on vacation (una cerveza, por favor), and I wanted to live in Spain. I had taken Spanish lessons at various times to learn the grammar. I especially enjoyed group lessons, and after each class, it felt like I had actually learned something. In the beginning, it progressed rapidly, and I noticed real improvement in my daily life, such as at the supermarket or in a restaurant. Then you reach a point where you handle the basics well, but having a real conversation with someone becomes very difficult. I’m still at that point.

I can’t help but feel embarrassed that my Spanish is still not fluent. After all, I’ve been living in Spanish-speaking countries for quite a long time now. Why can’t I seem to make it work? It’s a question I ask myself regularly. First of all, most of my friends in Málaga are international, so I don’t need to speak Spanish in my free time. With a drink in hand at the club, my Spanish flows effortlessly when I’m talking to locals, at least I think so in the moment. The next day, when I’m sober again, it feels like I’ve already forgotten all my Spanish knowledge. Apparently, that knowledge is in me, but something is blocking it. I think it’s probably insecurity, shame, and fear of failure that make me freeze when I suddenly have to have a full conversation in Spanish.

Meanwhile, I can understand and read almost everything in Spanish, so it’s really my speaking skills that are lagging behind. In short, I need to challenge myself and put myself in situations where speaking Spanish is necessary. In October, I’m moving to the Dominican Republic, where almost all of my friends are Dominican, and instead of just listening and laughing, this time I’ll be part of the conversation. There are plenty of opportunities I haven’t taken advantage of (read: I’ve had two Spanish-speaking boyfriends with whom I only spoke English), and this time I will seize the opportunity.

I think (and hope) that I’m not the only one experiencing this when learning a new language. So, if you’re reading this, know that you’re not alone, and often, it’s our fears that stand in our way. But we do have a choice. Do we choose fear, or do we choose love? I’m choosing love, the love I have for the Spanish language and all the doors it’s going to open for me. Will you do the same?